It’s not easy to admit, but in the past, I've struggled with my mental health. Depression - the black dog, they call it. I’ve walked that dog many times.
Yes, depression has hung over my life regularly since my late teens, and impacted my life significantly in a negative way. I want to tell you a little about my struggles during this blog, and offer some quick advice and guidance to where you can find support.
There are times when it’s almost boiled over to something even worse. Not something I want to discuss when I’ve never had that conversation with my nearest and dearest. Although, if you’re really interested, maybe I’ll bear all in a later blog.
I know I’ve not had a particularly challenging life, comparatively. I’ve had it easier than others, for sure. So why would I be depressed? To be honest, I don’t know.
Sure, I’ve dealt with some hardships, but haven’t we all? Stressful jobs, family troubles, bad breakups. We can all relate. In my late teens/early 20s, particularly, I went through a very difficult period, where it felt like I had no direction. Never knew what I wanted to do with my life, felt like I could never live up to my potential. Didn’t feel like I had the support of those around me, and felt I had no one to turn to.
I’ll spare you the details of what happened. But why am I telling you all this? Because men don’t talk about this stuff enough, and I’m aware that’s the problem. I’m 40 now, and men like me don’t open up as much as we should. It’s beyond time we started talking about men’s mental health. Thankfully, there are lots of support services available nowadays for men to contact, even if they don’t have the same support network that got me through my toughest moments.
According to research from credible sources like Mind, and Priory Group, 77% of men have suffered with common mental health symptoms such as stress, anxiety or depression. And 40% of men have never spoken about their mental health to anyone. The main causes seem to be work, finances and their health. There’s a negative stigma to it – we’re simply too embarrassed. But we shouldn’t be. Yes, it’s tough admitting we have a problem, but we can’t resolve it till we admit it, and we do want to resolve it.
I’ve put together a list to try and offer some real practical advice to offer some men’s mental health support. Even if these seem a little cliché, trust me, these really do help.
- Go outside. Despite what you may read as you doomscroll, the world truly is a wonderful place full of amazing people. Get out of the city and take some fresh air in the countryside, or try and drop on of your vices and save for a holiday. Visit Europe cheaply – it can be done. Or, take some time to explore more locally.
- Relax. Sure, this goes hand-in-hand with the above, but you don’t need to spend a penny to relax, sometimes. Turn off your devices, sit in your garden or local park with a good book (I can recommend some great ones) and just enjoy being in the moment. Personally, I love nothing more than nursing a good pint and burying my head in a book in a local pub.
- Find fun. What do you do for fun these days? We’re kind of spoiled for choice, really. I like to play retro games or ask a mate to play cards or mini-golf or something like that. Hire a karaoke studio in your local bowling alley for an hour. Just do something fun.
- Set boundaries. If work is getting on top of you, it’s important to nip that in the bud. Set clear work/life boundaries. Have that chat with your boss to let them know that you won’t be responding to out-of-hours emails or instant messages. Stick to set hours, don’t take overtime for a while. Your work will likely improve as a consequence, and your mind will thank you.
- Have open conversations. It took me a while to appreciate this, but there are those who care. My wife and one of my brothers in particular have a great knack for knowing when I need some self-care time, and help me accordingly. But I had to have these open conversations first. If you don’t feel like you have anyone, well, there are support services in place.
Where can you find help, then? So, there’s your family and friends. In all likelihood, they will want to help. If you don’t have that network, then there are alternatives. Your GP is a good place to start. They’ll have a conversation with you, and perhaps ask you to reach out to institutions like:
Here at iAM Learning, the company I work for also has a bunch of Mental Health Awareness courses. We’ve got stuff on promoting mental health, depression, stress, anxiety, panic attacks, relaxation, crisis prevention, suicidal feelings and much more. They are well-researched and have helped me out massively during dark times.
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Dani Maguire, Senior Script Writer
